Saturday, May 16, 2020

It's not the place but the heart

Spring is coming to the UK but the weather still a bit cold for a tropical woman like me. These days, I feel so much better and alive, like everything is quite manageable. Perhaps, I just wish it will stay like this forever, I mean my sanity.

Life in here is good, but for me, it's not the place that is the most important for me. Life is good depends on where I put my heart. It depends on how I see and think about this life. Without that awareness, no matter where I settle up, nothing will change.

Some people think that if they live in a better country, they will love their life more. Believe me, life is not that simple. It's all in our mind and we radiate it to the outside.

A lot of my friends said about how lucky it is for me to live in the UK, that the UK is the dream country of most of them. I appreciate that. I do think I'm very blessed. :)

It is indeed nice, especially the environment. In here, without being in the middle-high class, you can have the same streets, public spaces, trees, public gardens and the same facilities from the government. It's really different from Indo.

I have to admit that I'm not the right person to say about this because I live in a pleasant neighbourhood in my home town. But living abroad is not that grandiose. It feels great to have new experiences, it is curious to live in a completely new environment, but still, if your heart isn't ready or content, it's basically the same.

For most people who live in a second or third class country, they can't relate to this and have the dream to migrate abroad for a better life.

It's not wrong to have a dream like that, I encourage you to pursue your dream if you think it's the best for you. If you never try, you never know what is best for you. :)

As for me, this feels like a dream and I must wake up. My next stage of life will be starting soon and I have to be ready for the challenge. Not for the expectation of other people but my willingness to grow.

I'm not afraid of challenges; I'm afraid if I don't know what to do in my life.

I'm afraid if I just walk in the same place.

With my overwhelmed anxiety, I have to put my health first. I'm so glad that recently I have made progress on my mental health. I really want to meet my GP and counsellors, but this should wait until the quarantine is over.

I have to be very disciplined and be mindful every day. These could help me with my anxiety and depression. It's not easy but thank God, everything seems bright again lately. I'm glad.

There are so many things to be loved at the place where I live. It's a small district that is not crowded, and there are some grocery stores in just 10 minutes walk. It's great for the elderly as there are many cosy cafes around the high street. I've seen some elders gather together and have fun. What a good life.

I love how easy it is for me to walk around this area. This is unsafe to do in my home town because of the lack of pedestrian walk everywhere. It's sad tho but it's the truth. In my neighbourhood, even tho the pedestrian walk is provided by the housing developer, but the car owners seem to care less about the safety of other people.

It's not only the street that isn't safe, but the mentality of the population needs to improve as well.

I know you own a car, but please be mindful and have the right attitude. It's not about the material decoration you have in your possession, but your personality matters as well. It's not difficult to be a little bit thoughtful, right? :)

Remember, your attitude shows who you really are.

Btw, this bird caught my attention yesterday. I was confused and wondering about her unusual beak shape, and I ended watch her jumping around searching for foods. She seemed unconscious of what happened to her beak. I stopped to watch her for a while. Suddenly, she jumped near to us and did not scared of our existence. She kept moving her beak to the soil, hoping to catch some earthworms.

I watched her tirelessly trying to catch her food but failed every time, my heart ached. I kept asking my husband about what happened to her beak and what we could do for her. My husband said that maybe she won't last long. My heart was in pain and my eyes kept moving to where she jumped until I realised that I couldn't do anything for her. We both sad.

Suddenly this saying came out from my mouth, "Sorry that I couldn't do anything for you, but I believe God will look after you. He is watching you birdie."

I hold my tears.

Then I said to my husband, "You see, even this little bird is trying so hard to live. How can we, as a human, give up that easily?"

He said, "That's true, we, human, must learn from the animal – from nature."

My husband and I have purposely visited this area to see some squirrels. Sadly, they were not around, probably still sleeping. Squirrel is one of my most favourites animals. The best part about living in the UK is that I could see some squirrels from time to time. It makes me super happy!

I even stocked some nuts for the squirrel, but they love their nuts in the shell. 

We feel so grateful to have some fresh green garden to stroll every day here. But actually, it is not that deserted in my home country. We have beautiful nature as well like mountains and exotic islands, but living in the city is actually pretty different. Jakarta is really overpopulated, but everyone wants to live in Jakarta because it is the capital city, and the economy grows fast there. If you migrate to Jakarta from another city in Indonesia and start everything from zero, it could be a hit or miss.

It's the same here, not easy, definitely harder. Especially if we want to build a business. For us, we have several choices concerning where to settle to build our little family. The UK is probably a dreamy option for most people. I've heard people saying that it will be a waste for us if we leave the UK because to come here is not easy.

Vienna had come to our mind and of course Firenze. It's a great place for a composer and musician like my husband. But he seems to change his destination now. Sometimes we wonder about what is the right decision for both of us. We share our personal thoughts and talk about our plans, about what fit us best. About what kind of life we would like to have for our little family.

It takes more than a year and a half to come to a decision. Actually, we both still consider the good and the bad, it's not easy tho. Especially because we're still a newlywed and we don't know what will happen next. Well, no one knows but our decision now is vital for our future. 

During this unclear stage, God helps me a lot with my decision and judgement toward some recent things that occur in our life. He has answered my questions and let me decide with the wisdom given by Him. Even though our determinations will probably not be in line with others, but we have our own life.

We have difficulties and problems as well. Just because we are not the kind of people who ask for help, it doesn't mean we don't have problems.

I have been taught by my parents to not depend on other people and solve my own problem. If I fail then I need to suck it up and cry without no one noticing. Imagine how hard it was for a little child. I believe a lot of children who were born in an old-school Chinese family should understand this. :)

Despite all my tense and traumatic childhood, I am very grateful to be part of my family. Even though my dad is very assertive and controlling, but he is a great – successful dad. He changes tho and become more understanding. I have learnt a lot of things from him. My siblings and I are really proud of him. 

I don't agree if someone says they can't change. IMO it's just someone lazy to try.

We don't really care about what others think of us. No matter what we do, there will be people pointing their fingers at us. This is our life, we make the decision, not others.

When our hearts are ready, no matter where our Father wants to send/place us, we will prepare our selves and fight. Our Lord is truly loving and understanding, He will always grant us opportunities. 

We decide what kind of life we want because we are the one who knows what we fancy. God gives us freedom and opportunities to improve.

He provides us with the seeds, and the wisdom to plant the seeds. It depends on how persistent and how dedicated we are in His guidance. It's all in our hands whether we want to keep the seeds in our pocket or strive carefully to start, sustain and observe how it grows. I think our Father is very generous to all His children.

And I want to praise His name. :)

Have a blessed day everyone!

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