Saturday, May 23, 2015

About Marriage and Childen

Hello ladies, how are you? Sometimes I'm wondering why people should get married. When I asked my cousin, she gave me a really shocking answer that I never thought about it before. She was married in her 32/33s something I don't really remember. It's kinda late for asian people. lol

I've been single for 3 years now, not really a long time huh? And sometimes mom asked me why I haven't been in a relationship again, actually I'm not really sure about it, haha. I'm afraid of a relationship I think.

In my country, girls normally get married when they're 22-27 years old, well mostly but not all though. Some of them marry in their early 30s though. And usually when you're in a long relationship for few years, you wanna plan for marriage with your partner. Or get a sudden pressure from both parents.

Ok back to my cousin, her answer to my question was, "Because I don't want to die alone, If I have children, they'll take care of me when I'm old". Ok that was quite shocking for me cos I never thought like that..

I always think if someday I have to get married then the reason is because of that man, because I love him, because I want to be with him for the rest of my life and he's the one who steal my heart. Maybe I'm too naive? lol

And children is like a fatal commitment for me, If I want to have one then the reason is because I want to raise them to become a great person who can contribute something to this world. Not because they can take care of me when I'm old.. I don't know, maybe I don't have any concern about my old ages.

And weeks ago I had a talk with my mom and I spontaneously asked her:

Me: "Mom if I don't get married in the future, can I adopt a child?"
Mom: "Are you mad?
Me: "c'mon mom you know I'm serious"
Mom: "Why you don't find a boyfriend soon?"
Me: "Idk"
Mom: "You're an alien!"
Me: "lol, What if I really do that in the future?"
Mom: "Listen, people will talk about you. Think about your reputation, a woman without a husband but with a child is not good.."
Me: "Hmm, I know but I don't care, really"
Mom: "No you don't know and you're crazy, I don't wanna talk with crazy person"

What you can expect from an asian mom? I can't even imagine my dad's reaction because maybe he will flip a table on our living room. They might think I'm insane lol.

I don't know about other's people perspective though, is it not good to not get married and have an adopted child? What's your reaction if you know one of your friend who bring her child everywhere but never see the father? lol

I think there're many poor orphaned kids out there, why I'm not getting one and make them happy? Instead of making one, lol. It's not like I don't want to have my own child but it's just a random thought in my brain.


Nata de Nia said...

Hi Comi! I'm also from Indonesia, so probably I could relate about this problem. We're living in a relatively conservative collectivist country- which means people will (maybe always) judge and value you from the who and how you live, especially your family.

It's very sad for me to see people are 'hurried' to get married because of family and social pressure. For me, marriage is a personal choice and is sacred. Your mind and heart should be ready to 'open' yourself for somebody else to come and stay in your life for a lifetime. You couldn't let anyone else force or demand you to open the door. And of course, finding the 'right' one won't be easy. If everyone else hurries you, you won't be calm enough to objectively know and find the right one.

As for kids, I also have the same opinion as yours. Many kids out there aren't lucky to have a warm family that would love and nurture them. But in this collectivist country, we are 'forced' to accept that marriage is the only way of having a child. You would rarely see a lady living alone with a child. If there is one, I guarantee that their social circle will judge them.

Personally, I have pretty much concern for young people like us that are rushed and also 'forced' to accept the social norms of this country. The decision to get married and having children is something very essential that needs maturity and openness from our hearts. It is not healthy to make decision and strive them bluntly because of social pressure.

tania said...

hi, I'm Indonesian too.

my grandma asked me about relationships about 2 years ago. I told her, what IF I don't want to get married. I don't know if I can stand a person for years, let alone raising children with him. My grandma went to mad, questioning what am I gonna do without marriage? being biksuni or what?? ugh, that was said by someone who mad if a boy come to my house. Gzz.

after months, she calm down and haven't talk about it again. while I start to think that I can raise a child with someone I adore, and adore me as much (or even more, LOL) as I do.

Unknown said...

Well,, I live in Sweden which is a very open minded country. Anyway, I DO NOT see a problem with adopting a child by yourself >_< My friend and her sister is adopted from China to a single mom in Sweden, and she is such a happy person~

Why do we always need a man to take care of us?? You will do perfectly fine without one ~ I think the adopted child of yours would be a happy one❤️

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